QotD: "The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them."
Samuel McChord Crothers in "The Gentle Reader"

Explosions Are a Growing Hazard at Crematoriums

STOCKHOLM (Reuters) - Dead people are increasingly going out with a bang in Sweden and the trend is posing serious occupational hazards for crematorium workers, a Swedish church newspaper said.

Kyrkans Tidning reported a growing number of explosions in caskets during cremations, sparked by undetected items including heart pacemakers, whose batteries ignite in the intense heat.

Swedes have increasingly taken to cremation and the paper said next of kin and friends were adding to the problem by leaving explosive farewell tokens such as bottles of alcohol, ammunition cartridges and pieces of fireworks in the coffins.

Silicon implants in women who had had cosmetic breast surgery were also known to have exploded during cremation.

QotD: "Man raises himself toward God by the questions he asks Him." Elie Wiesel in "The Night Triology"

QotD: "Nobody laughs at old jests, or weeps for an old calamity." Thomas Hobbs in Leviathin

QotD: "The most incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible." Albert Einstein (quoted in "the Elegant Universe")

From Allan Ackerman:

A major research institution has recently announced the
discovery of the heaviest chemical element yet known to
science. The new element has been tentatively named
Governmentium.

Governmentium has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75
deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it
an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called
morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-
like particles called peons. Since governmentium has no
electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected as it
impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A
minute amount of governmentium causes one reaction to
take over 4 days to complete when it would normally take
less than a second.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 3 years; it does not
decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a
portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons
exchange places. In fact, governmentium's mass will actually
increase over time, since each reorganization will cause
some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists
to speculate that governmentium is formed whenever morons
reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical
quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.

From Scott Adams Dilbert newsletter #46.

Quotes From Induhviduals
-------------------------

These true quotes were submitted by vigilant DNRC members.

--

"Hearing something like that really raises the shackles on my
neck."

"The design team will do everything necessary to exacerbate the
situation."

"This guy is trying to pull the wool over the donkey's ass, and
that is not where the wool goes."

"We've got to dig our way out of this puppy."

"Well, color me a moron!"

"Works like a baby."

"I found that the faster we worked, the more our
productivity increased."

"I think we're on the same page here, just different parts of the
page."

"Don't buy antique furniture - it never lasts."

"That guy's the sharpest grape on the bunch!"

"He talks like a man with a paper ass."

"They should be beaten at the stake."

I said to her, "You're crazy." She replied, "Yeah, crazy like a
rock!"

"I'm so angry I could eat a horse."

"You've made your bed, now you have to eat it too!"

She said she would "go over it tooth and nail" looking for
mistakes.

QOTD: "You can't kill time without injuring eternity." Annie Dillard in "Teaching a Stone to Talk"

Just one more sign that the apocalypse is upon us. Pec implants for men?!?!?

Instant brawn